Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
