K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
