I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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