guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
