I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize