apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
