Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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