We won't sleep together?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
