Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
