I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
