You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize