I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
