As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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