I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
