Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
MIDGETS
????
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
