At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize