we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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