Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
