I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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