On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you bring me the toilet please
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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