she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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