My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
