i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
