I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
