I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
