You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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