she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize