Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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