thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
