I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
