are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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