just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
