I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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