Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
