We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
