I hate all girls vehemently.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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