First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
