i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
