I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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