My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
