dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
