People in love make me want to vomit
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
