just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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