This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
