i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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