Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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