the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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