dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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