I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
