the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bring money and cleavage
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
