If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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