What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
