I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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