things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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