You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
