So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
