I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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