do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
