take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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