I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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