Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
