I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
