Having a random hookup so left but love u
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize