i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
