Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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