Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
