So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
