I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
