I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
