When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
