Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
