How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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