Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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